please pass the tuna

Tonight at dinner he said I could choose anything. That didn't exactly help me narrow it down. Feeling briefly brave, I chose sushi. The thought of a mano e mano with bright pink raw tuna toyed with me. My last fresh tuna tete-a-tete occured about a month ago. I was on a date and I...tolerated it, shall we say? "Sooo good, right?" he said with an inflection as if receiving a complimentary Japanese back massage while eating his raw tuna, which he apparently loves more than life itself, or so his behavior lead me to believe. "Yeah," I said very unconvincingly. I had one bite and ended up swallowing the thing whole with half a glass of water.

Tonight I knew the tuna wouldn't come solo. So, "Sushi," I said. I hoped this sushi experience might be like my cantaloupe experience of the early 1990's wherein, out of politeness, I ate all the cantaloupe on my plate at my elementary school friend's house every day. By the end of the school year, I could manage without incident. Sure, I downed three big bites of macaroni and cheese immediately following cantaloupe consumption, but it got the job done, and left a nice creamy Kraft cheese taste in my mouth. Raw tuna. Cantaloupe. Same thing, right?

Chopsticks in hand, and sushi before us he said, "Let's do this!" (Long pause) Not exactly a stellar response on my end. Mr. Up-for-Anything's voice lost steam upon delivery because I was off in a color contrast state of consciousness, enjoying the two-toned green avocado against the blushing pink tuna, all with a halo of bright white rice. "Let's do this," I repeated, mustering up my best here-goes-nothin' attitude. I took a deep breath and then I dunked. Soy Sauce City. I lathered that thing up right nice in that soy sauce and added more wasabi than most, just in case. Holy Mackerel. I downed those suckers fast! Probably a lot faster than is considered polite, but I did it. And without even a bite of macaroni and cheese to chase it down. I pointed with my chopsticks, gesturing for him to take the last roll. "Oh, I insist." He polished off the last of our meal, not a grain of rice left on the plate.

Post tuna pop, he motioned for me to try the ginger. "It cleanses the palette." Had I known this information sooner, I would have been all over that ginger. "And," he added, "It fends off nausea." The ginger went in faster than the sushi rolls! The moral of this sad (as in pathetic on my part) sushi story: Cantaloupe and sushi aren't exactly the same thing. But macaroni and cheese and ginger? You could stick those two together, no problem.